*This blog is a personal one. I’m treading gently on a sensitive subject. My heart is to help others that are hurting and transparency and brokenness is the way to do it. But, at the same time, I don’t want to be disrespectful or overshare either. After some prayer and discussion between my husband and I this blog post is the result.
My husband’s birthday is coming up. I wanted to throw him a surprise party. When you have a child who is severely autistic as we do, it’s a challenge. On top of that our home is small. Easier said than done. My son gets overwhelmed with lots of people. I had made the decision to invite a larger family that my husband really cares about. They have known each other for a long time. This would have to be the only people I could have come. I sent an invite and waited almost two weeks. No response. I briefly then sent another response, realizing that it appears they are not interested. I wanted to give benefit of the doubt. At this point now, with his birthday being just a few days away and what’s going on in our lives, that surprise party is no longer feasible.
When you have a severely disabled child as we do, it becomes isolating. We can’t connect with others as much as regular families. The list isn’t large of those we are close enough to for invites. And, with my son’s sensory issues, it isn’t easy to do. Getting a consistent PCA to help him is tough for us. So, the option I pursued was best. I was excited for him. I’m not into surprises honestly. Once many years ago my husband threw me a surprise party. I was a bit upset about it at first to be honest. Of course I got over it. I appreciated the thought. But, surprises aren’t my thing.
Anyway, when I realized it was too late to work out and I wasn’t getting a response my heart sank. I went to God in tears about it actually. I felt so bad. Last year I wanted to do this but was newly post partum and having struggles. Too difficult then. So I really wanted it to work out. I was intending to keep it to myself. But in a conversation my husband and I were having I started fighting tears. I simply said, “I feel so bad. I wanted to give you a surprise party. It didn’t work out. Just so you know I love you.” He looked at me and knew. He’s smart. He knew who wasn’t coming.
The root of rejection stinks.
Both my husband and I have experienced a lot of rejection in our lives. Some just perceived, but a lot genuine. This is what the enemy has hit us with. In the case of that family, I made mistakes in the past I regret. Relationships are messy sometimes. I thought we were past it. I really was hopeful now.
What I said to my husband I’ll share here. We need to pray for them. We don’t know what’s going on in their lives and hearts. Ultimately though, love is growing cold. It’s a challenge to us to make sure we don’t grow cold. We should stay sensitive and tenderhearted in a hardened world. Be patient and kind with others. Give grace.
Some of you reading this might be thinking, “That’s too bad.” Others might be relating to being a caregiver of someone disabled. You know how hard it is to plan things. But, there’s someone in particular I feel led to reach and the reason I shared this. You too have been hit with rejection a lot. The root is so deeply there that you perceive it even when it’s not reality. A wrong look. A simple oversight. A slow response. In my case, almost 2 weeks is pretty telling. Maybe they were planning (I want to hope) to try. But it’s too difficult to in time now. Sometimes there is a genuine innocent reason. Other times though, it’s plain old rejection. It stinks.
My final thought is to the soul that knows rejection all too well. We are not made by God for rejection. We were created to receive and give love. But we live in a fallen world. Rejection happens. Uninvited happens. No response happens. All we can do, and are called to do, is pray for them and love in return. We overcome evil with good (see Romans 12:21.)
I have lived long enough to know, by personal experience, that those who have trouble with their love walk towards others also have issues in their relationship to the Creator. God is love. If you know Him intimately, you can’t help but love. Perfectly? No. But in general yes. And when you don’t the humility is there to make it right.
My family is going to have that party of one. God will be there with us and we have each other. I am praying and trusting that God will send the friends He wants us to have. Healthy relationships. Mutual support and love and most of all, Yeshua (Jesus.)
We are loved infinitely by an amazing God. May we live knowing that each day and pour that ahavah love out on others. Loving in thought, word, and action.
Prayer I pray: Father, I praise Your name. You are love. Help me to know you more. Your word says those who seek You wholeheartedly will find you. And, when I draw close to You then You’ll draw close to me. Meet me here. Empty me of myself and fill me with You. May Your love shine through me. Help me especially to love those who do not love me and be kind to those who mistreat me. Help me see people as You do.
Luke 6:27-28, 31-36 ESV “But I say to you who hear, Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you. And as you wish that others would do to you, do so to them. “If you love those who love you, what benefit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them. And if you do good to those who do good to you, what benefit is that to you? For even sinners do the same.
And if you lend to those from whom you expect to receive, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners, to get back the same amount. But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return, and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, for he is kind to the ungrateful and the evil. Be merciful, even as your Father is merciful.
Romans 8:37-39 ESV No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Galatians 5:22-23 ESV But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.