My Husband

Ephesians 5:22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.

Husband is on the right.

This blog is different than my usual ones. I want to brag about my husband Dustin. He has so often done things quietly, with sacrifice, in excellence and love with no fanfare or credit. Recently I was moved to share it. These are things few know and he will never say.

Dustin is a very private person so I will leave out some details. Just know he grew up in dysfunction and abuse. He has a heart for those less fortunate because of it.

In college, he worked a lot. One of his jobs paid well. Instead of buying fancy, lavish things (for a college student) he anonymously gave from each paycheck to pay the tuition debts of others. It was thousands. Only in the past few months did I find out and we’ve been married 15 years in November. After spending time in YWAM he moved up to Minnesota to help a friend he loves like a brother. He believes someday he is meant to do ministry with him. That has been shelved and surrendered to God’s timing and way.

When we first got married he paid the debt of someone who wronged him. A pastor we both loved challenged him to do “as unto the Lord” and He will reward. Dustin sent a large sum anonymously to a minister in need. He lost his life savings in a shady real estate deal (long story trust me.) He not only forgave them, but helped someone involved in a time of great need. By this point our autistic son’s behaviors were incredibly challenging and draining.

I’ve watched my husband give the last dollar he’s had, volunteer to park cars in the pouring rain after working a long third shift. I can’t tell you how many times he’s mowed someone’s lawn, shoveled someone’s driveway, helped someone move, or build something even when it was a huge sacrifice for us. I have often been the respite for him with the kids so he could serve. And I still joyfully do it.

My husband recently volunteered to do the gross, hard cleaning jobs at church nobody but an elderly man was willing to do. He has given up a lot to give our children better.

Not too long ago I had to really pray through my husband being used, lied to, and manipulated in ministry. I won’t give into my flesh and give details. God knows. We learned a hard lesson in getting close to those who lack boundaries and integrity.

Dustin was in a work situation for years where he was mocked, mistreated, and even passed over for promotions because he is Jewish. I’m serious. Those leaders were finally fired, some charged with embezzling, harassment, and drug trafficking.

That’s the tip of the iceberg. We’ve been through things, respectively, and together in marriage.

We’ve had very rough patches. I told someone at one point our marriage was on life support and even a few then tried to pull the plug.

Praise God He resurrects, restores, and heals.

I get the struggle my husband has wrestled with. He’s taken a lot of hits from the enemy, and it gets discouraging. Both my husband and I have been misquoted, misjudged, and misunderstood painfully at times. We were about 6 months ago (not in our marriage but in our spiritual lives) worn thin. We had doubts. We battled hard with bitterness. I will never forget when God orchestrated us to attend a church. The pastor was preaching on the end times. We talked in the car on the way to church that we lost hope. And didn’t believe God reconciles or restores. It was a low moment for us culled from years of experiences.

During that service the pastor paused his message and said something like, “Some of you are rehearsing the failures of others. This is bitterness and it’s sin. You need to repent. It’s holding you back. And don’t count God out to reconcile a relationship.”

He went on to give a brief but powerful testimony. Then back to his sermon.

We looked at each other, a bit stunned. God was trying to get through to us.

Since then, I’ve watched my husband soften, mature, and forgive and it’s been just beautiful to witness. It has inspired me.

I want to challenge you ladies especially reading this to love your husbands. Pray for them. Submit to them (within biblical and legal guidelines. I don’t advocate abuse. Nor does God. Torah is about preserving life.) For those married to husbands that are backslidden or unbelievers hold to this…

1 Peter 3:1-2 Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct.

Leading is about serving. Matthew 23:11 The greatest among you shall be your servant. Wives, provide an atmosphere your husband can trust. Proverbs 31:11 The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain.

My husband isn’t perfect. I’m not either. But I am truly blessed that I married a man with a heart to help others. He has given so much.

Matthew 6:3-4 But when you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, so that your giving may be in secret. And your Father who sees in secret will reward you.

Father, may you reward my husband richly for all he has faithfully given. Build him up so he can build others up, giving You the glory.

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